woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
