I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize