They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
