fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
