my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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