How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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