perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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