Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
