I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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