roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
