she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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