i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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