Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
