I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
