M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
