is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
