Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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