if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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