He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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