I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
