He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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