god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I could teleport
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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