I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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