I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
