He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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