My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
