Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
