You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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