I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
