come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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