he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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