I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize