yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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