I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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