Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
