Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Your tits are I can't wait for
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
