I'm so fucking centered right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
