If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
