How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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