So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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