I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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