There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
