just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
