Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Text me some of your sweat
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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