some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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