He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize