At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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