On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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