I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
