Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
