so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
