since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize