I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize