I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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