ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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