I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
