I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
