like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
