I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
