He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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