standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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