Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this beer tastes like vomit already
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
