I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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