mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
