Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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