I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's shark week go big or go home
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
